April 19, 2008

What is a Unicorn?

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 10:39 am by Kathleen

A unicorn is a mythical beast with a horn ;)  It also refers to a pretty and otherwise dateable bi female who is willing to date a couple.  A lot of women are sort of okay with poly, but only if “we share”, making it really hard for the guy to find someone.  I mean, what are you supposed to say? “Wow, you look really interesting, can I bring you home to meet the wife?”

Unicorns are easier to find in poly circles or swinging circles, but not MUCH easier; it’s hard enough to find a great girl to date when you are single, much less when you have a whole laundry list of added requirements.  So that, my friends, is a unicorn.  Thanks for askin’.  :)

~Kathleen

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22 Comments »

  1. I stand corrected, although my comment still holds merit.

  2. Kathleen said,

    Nah, you were pretty much right. :)

  3. James said,

    I’m very new to poly, is there a similar term for a male who is willing to date a couple? Or does unicorn cover both men and women?

    • Kathleen said,

      Hi James, welcome! Men are sometimes also called unicorns, but stereotypically men are easy to please, and many people in the community don’t think of a willing bi male as particularly rare or unusual. There are also many fewer couples seeking a bi male than a bi female.

  4. Ah, the famed Unicorn hunters. To many in the poly world, Unicorn Hunters are thought of as a ‘larval form’ of poly, as a stage couples go through before they become ‘real’ poly. The objections to Unicorn Hunters, and they are typically female, is that it implies a woman is less valuable to a man.
    It often goes like this: Hey, lets have a threesome! But, only with another woman, because Im not threatened by that, a man would replace me, and I dont like that!’
    Unicorn Hunters also prowl dating sites that are poly friendly, or where ‘Bi’ is an option. There are many complaints from Bi women of creepy couples stalking them. And often Unicorn Hunters have unreasonable expectations: they cant see anybody but the couple, and must be available only when convenient for the couple, etc. You can see why a bi-girl might be put off by that idea.
    That being said, my wife and I are polyamorous. And right now, we have a Unicorn. Yup, we are still stuck in that larval stage of poly, and I dont care what anybody thinks. We like our girlfriend, we like having a triad, and we hope it lasts. After all, isn’t being poly about accepting all forms of love?

    • We must be lucky then. We are a couple that enjoy having threesomes with straight men and also with bisexual girls (or should i say unicorns?). And we do find both men (more easily, of course) and women interested in that.

      I think bisexual girls interested in couples might have been as real as unicorns in the past, but nowadays i don’t really think it is such as difficult to find as it was.

      Then, according to this left-brained labeling you talk about, i guess we are a succesful couple of unicorn hunters.

      • Kathleen said,

        Sex partners or romantic ones? I have heard that it is much easier to find women for swinging/threesomes than it is for a serious triad relationship.

    • Marybeth said,

      When I was a unicorn and I had run across many spooky, creepy couples and finally gave up on the search.

  5. househo said,

    Hmmm.. I consider myself a unicorn. But would not do a couple unless I was attracted to both. So far only one couple has been in that realm with me. usually I do the FMF with the hubby.

    • Kathleen said,

      You have officially illustrated the “unicorn problem”. Finding a hot bi babe who is attracted to BOTH of you. :) Thanks for posting.

  6. Sofie said,

    I’m in a committed long term straight M/F relationship… my boyfriend has suggested that we seek out a live-in boyfriend after we are married. He is straight and we are seeking a straight male to date me while I’m happily married… how hard is it to find a straight male to enter this type of poly relationship?

  7. Polis said,

    Not very:)

  8. crystal bennett said,

    my ex said she was a unicorn and i wasnt quite sure what that ment so thanks

  9. Shouldn’t the male unicorn be known as a Centaur? Perhaps still ‘somewhat’ rare, especially as a live in. In legend, centaurs are almost, if not always, referred to as male.

    • B said,

      Haha this made me laugh.

  10. junia said,

    There is another part of the unicorn issue. She has to be monogamous to that couple…..makes it even harder to find.

    • Kathleen said,

      Actually, that’s not a necessary part of the unicorn definition, although that would indeed make finding the right woman more difficult.

      • HIL said,

        I guess I am a unicorn. I’m attractive and bi which was one of the reasons my ex husband wanted me. We had threesomes early in our relationship but he took advantage and cheated with many women even though the rules were that we’d only partake in other women TOGETHER. He was pretty controlling and there were a host of other problems which explains why he is now my ex.
        Currently I am in a triad with a sexy couple. The wife is actually a woman I met through my ex 15 years ago and the three of us had a threesome back then. She and I had always had a connection as friends (which my ex hated) but had to end our friendship because my ex was jealous. So three years ago after my ex and I separated she and I reconnected as friends. She was happily married and I had no intention of coming in between their marriage since I, at the time, was still trying to figure out what to do about my failing one. But less than a year later after my ex and I officially called it quits I had a threesome with her and her husband. It was AMAZING to say the least and there was and still is an almost inexplicable intensity between us. I’m attracted to both of them although I consider her to be my “girl friend” I guess. He considers me his wife’s girlfriend a well (and himself as just a lucky man!). We set up rules. I’m only with them. They dont have other women. We spend time together about every two weeks. And it’s been that way since 2010. It works for now and we treat each other with respect and i truly care about them. However I do believe that at some point I will be ready for my own committed relationship with one man who will hopefully understand and respect the fact that I am also attracted to women.
        Unicorns ( i dont know know if i like the term but whatever) exist and a poky relationship can work. In order for a triad to work there has to be open communication trust respect
        and everyone has to be attracted each other. Nothing forced. There may be some bumps in the road as with any relationship but it can be worked out. I also think that when you go hunting for woman sometimes it can be harder to find as opposed to just letting things happen organically. And if a man is hunting for himself and his wife/ girl friend a bi woman will probably be turned off and assume the guy is just looking for himself. That’s happens alot

  11. sugarwolf said,

    I am a bisexual woman and I have been dating a couple, we are a triad now, for a little over two years. We are polyfidel, and in a closed relationship.

  12. teahead said,

    My wife and I have found that unicorn.

    She’s a shy, beautiful, sort of bi young woman, but she I think likes girls more than guys. However likes having sex with guys.

    She met my wife first, and I would say, was drawn to her while she was dating another woman. They broke up and became exclusive to us.

    She considers me her boy friend, but I would say she’s more her girlfriend as they spend a lot more time with eachother then I spend alone w/our girlfriend. Mainly b/c I’m so busy.

    I don’t want any more women (unless there was an opportunity for a fling), and neither does our anyone else, however my wife does like being with other men and I don’t mind that. Just for sex though. But, our girlfriend is very jealous of my wife being with other people so she just doesn’t want to know what my wife is doing with other people.

    There are rules though and my wife needs to know ahead of time when my girlfriend and I play with eachother alone, and it is somewhat rare b/c most of the time we just play all together. It’s not always convenient b/c the two girls’ periods are not always in synch.

    My wife and I live together and our girlfriend lives in her own house. That seems fine, but she basically lives with us on the weekends and is over during the week almost every day.

    I hope it lasts and I’m happy as heck and I think everyone else is too. I just wish my wife was a little less loose w/the rules and wish our girlfriend wouldn’t get jealous of my wife.

    Having a monogomous relationship is hard enough, but having this poly relationship makes things a bit more difficult, but it is well worth it as we all have a blast doing many things the three of us.

    This is a super rare situation, which is why I don’t want to screw it up!

    • Davin said,

      Unless your wife can respect the agreed upon rules, and/or your mutual girlfriend changes her views on things, I’m afraid this is going to fall apart. I’m sorry for your impending soap opera, teahead.

  13. teahead said,

    I meant, a little MORE loose w/the rules.


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