April 19, 2008
What is a Unicorn?
A unicorn is a mythical beast with a horn 😉 It also refers to a pretty and otherwise dateable bi female who is willing to date a couple. A lot of women are sort of okay with poly, but only if “we share”, making it really hard for the guy to find someone. I mean, what are you supposed to say? “Wow, you look really interesting, can I bring you home to meet the wife?”
Unicorns are easier to find in poly circles or swinging circles, but not MUCH easier; it’s hard enough to find a great girl to date when you are single, much less when you have a whole laundry list of added requirements. So that, my friends, is a unicorn. Thanks for askin’. 🙂
~Kathleen
Polyamory from the Inside Out 
livininsanity said,
April 20, 2008 at 2:06 am
I stand corrected, although my comment still holds merit.
Kathleen said,
April 20, 2008 at 9:33 am
Nah, you were pretty much right. 🙂
James said,
August 11, 2010 at 12:36 pm
I’m very new to poly, is there a similar term for a male who is willing to date a couple? Or does unicorn cover both men and women?
Kathleen said,
August 11, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Hi James, welcome! Men are sometimes also called unicorns, but stereotypically men are easy to please, and many people in the community don’t think of a willing bi male as particularly rare or unusual. There are also many fewer couples seeking a bi male than a bi female.
C Scott Morris said,
October 13, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Ah, the famed Unicorn hunters. To many in the poly world, Unicorn Hunters are thought of as a ‘larval form’ of poly, as a stage couples go through before they become ‘real’ poly. The objections to Unicorn Hunters, and they are typically female, is that it implies a woman is less valuable to a man.
It often goes like this: Hey, lets have a threesome! But, only with another woman, because Im not threatened by that, a man would replace me, and I dont like that!’
Unicorn Hunters also prowl dating sites that are poly friendly, or where ‘Bi’ is an option. There are many complaints from Bi women of creepy couples stalking them. And often Unicorn Hunters have unreasonable expectations: they cant see anybody but the couple, and must be available only when convenient for the couple, etc. You can see why a bi-girl might be put off by that idea.
That being said, my wife and I are polyamorous. And right now, we have a Unicorn. Yup, we are still stuck in that larval stage of poly, and I dont care what anybody thinks. We like our girlfriend, we like having a triad, and we hope it lasts. After all, isn’t being poly about accepting all forms of love?
Corazón de Madera said,
November 13, 2010 at 10:45 am
We must be lucky then. We are a couple that enjoy having threesomes with straight men and also with bisexual girls (or should i say unicorns?). And we do find both men (more easily, of course) and women interested in that.
I think bisexual girls interested in couples might have been as real as unicorns in the past, but nowadays i don’t really think it is such as difficult to find as it was.
Then, according to this left-brained labeling you talk about, i guess we are a succesful couple of unicorn hunters.
Kathleen said,
November 13, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Sex partners or romantic ones? I have heard that it is much easier to find women for swinging/threesomes than it is for a serious triad relationship.
Marybeth said,
December 16, 2012 at 10:52 pm
When I was a unicorn and I had run across many spooky, creepy couples and finally gave up on the search.
househo said,
February 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Hmmm.. I consider myself a unicorn. But would not do a couple unless I was attracted to both. So far only one couple has been in that realm with me. usually I do the FMF with the hubby.
Kathleen said,
February 19, 2011 at 4:45 pm
You have officially illustrated the “unicorn problem”. Finding a hot bi babe who is attracted to BOTH of you. 🙂 Thanks for posting.
Sofie said,
April 5, 2011 at 3:28 pm
I’m in a committed long term straight M/F relationship… my boyfriend has suggested that we seek out a live-in boyfriend after we are married. He is straight and we are seeking a straight male to date me while I’m happily married… how hard is it to find a straight male to enter this type of poly relationship?
Woodie54 said,
March 12, 2014 at 4:12 pm
Finding a straight mail will never be a problem,what might be a problem is they will not get enough of you .
Woodie54 said,
October 4, 2016 at 4:48 am
Hell to every one,nice to be back, I will like to say after so many years it is still so difficult especially for a single man to find a poly couple,Poly couple can find a unicorn at a dime a dozen, most time if the female will like to bring a single male into the relationship ,her partner will not like it ,but he is much more acceptable to have a unicorn into the relationship.
Polis said,
June 14, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Not very:)
crystal bennett said,
August 14, 2011 at 10:14 am
my ex said she was a unicorn and i wasnt quite sure what that ment so thanks
Mike Townsend said,
July 8, 2012 at 7:16 am
Shouldn’t the male unicorn be known as a Centaur? Perhaps still ‘somewhat’ rare, especially as a live in. In legend, centaurs are almost, if not always, referred to as male.
B said,
July 24, 2012 at 5:34 am
Haha this made me laugh.
junia said,
July 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm
There is another part of the unicorn issue. She has to be monogamous to that couple…..makes it even harder to find.
Kathleen said,
July 8, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Actually, that’s not a necessary part of the unicorn definition, although that would indeed make finding the right woman more difficult.
HIL said,
December 10, 2012 at 9:49 am
I guess I am a unicorn. I’m attractive and bi which was one of the reasons my ex husband wanted me. We had threesomes early in our relationship but he took advantage and cheated with many women even though the rules were that we’d only partake in other women TOGETHER. He was pretty controlling and there were a host of other problems which explains why he is now my ex.
Currently I am in a triad with a sexy couple. The wife is actually a woman I met through my ex 15 years ago and the three of us had a threesome back then. She and I had always had a connection as friends (which my ex hated) but had to end our friendship because my ex was jealous. So three years ago after my ex and I separated she and I reconnected as friends. She was happily married and I had no intention of coming in between their marriage since I, at the time, was still trying to figure out what to do about my failing one. But less than a year later after my ex and I officially called it quits I had a threesome with her and her husband. It was AMAZING to say the least and there was and still is an almost inexplicable intensity between us. I’m attracted to both of them although I consider her to be my “girl friend” I guess. He considers me his wife’s girlfriend a well (and himself as just a lucky man!). We set up rules. I’m only with them. They dont have other women. We spend time together about every two weeks. And it’s been that way since 2010. It works for now and we treat each other with respect and i truly care about them. However I do believe that at some point I will be ready for my own committed relationship with one man who will hopefully understand and respect the fact that I am also attracted to women.
Unicorns ( i dont know know if i like the term but whatever) exist and a poky relationship can work. In order for a triad to work there has to be open communication trust respect
and everyone has to be attracted each other. Nothing forced. There may be some bumps in the road as with any relationship but it can be worked out. I also think that when you go hunting for woman sometimes it can be harder to find as opposed to just letting things happen organically. And if a man is hunting for himself and his wife/ girl friend a bi woman will probably be turned off and assume the guy is just looking for himself. That’s happens alot
sugarwolf said,
February 27, 2013 at 5:48 pm
I am a bisexual woman and I have been dating a couple, we are a triad now, for a little over two years. We are polyfidel, and in a closed relationship.
teahead said,
March 14, 2013 at 10:13 am
My wife and I have found that unicorn.
She’s a shy, beautiful, sort of bi young woman, but she I think likes girls more than guys. However likes having sex with guys.
She met my wife first, and I would say, was drawn to her while she was dating another woman. They broke up and became exclusive to us.
She considers me her boy friend, but I would say she’s more her girlfriend as they spend a lot more time with eachother then I spend alone w/our girlfriend. Mainly b/c I’m so busy.
I don’t want any more women (unless there was an opportunity for a fling), and neither does our anyone else, however my wife does like being with other men and I don’t mind that. Just for sex though. But, our girlfriend is very jealous of my wife being with other people so she just doesn’t want to know what my wife is doing with other people.
There are rules though and my wife needs to know ahead of time when my girlfriend and I play with eachother alone, and it is somewhat rare b/c most of the time we just play all together. It’s not always convenient b/c the two girls’ periods are not always in synch.
My wife and I live together and our girlfriend lives in her own house. That seems fine, but she basically lives with us on the weekends and is over during the week almost every day.
I hope it lasts and I’m happy as heck and I think everyone else is too. I just wish my wife was a little less loose w/the rules and wish our girlfriend wouldn’t get jealous of my wife.
Having a monogomous relationship is hard enough, but having this poly relationship makes things a bit more difficult, but it is well worth it as we all have a blast doing many things the three of us.
This is a super rare situation, which is why I don’t want to screw it up!
Davin said,
March 17, 2013 at 1:24 am
Unless your wife can respect the agreed upon rules, and/or your mutual girlfriend changes her views on things, I’m afraid this is going to fall apart. I’m sorry for your impending soap opera, teahead.
teahead said,
March 14, 2013 at 10:30 am
I meant, a little MORE loose w/the rules.
Woodie54 said,
March 12, 2014 at 4:17 pm
It seems as it is much more difficult to find a third in a poly relationship than find ing a bi female or male.
himherandyou said,
March 24, 2015 at 1:28 pm
thank you for teaching us the term for the woman we are looking for – polyfidelity
we have been looking for a woman to join our relationship for about a month now with no success. maybe it’s because we are not just looking for someone who wants to hook-up or have a one night stand.. those seem to be a dime a dozen but we wish them the best of luck and send them on their way. we are looking for a bisexual female to first become the best of friends with both of us then become exclusively sexually active with both of us if and only if everyone is in agreement and compatible with each other. we want to eventually reach a live-in situation where we all share and love equally.
I don’t see why a man would be dumb enough or even feel the need to cheat when he is in a relationship with two other people that love him.
we think that a relationship in which everyone has each others back in any and all situations and can count on each other should be alluring to a bisexual female but maybe we are just living in our own little universe
Esparta said,
July 15, 2016 at 5:03 pm
I’m considering becoming a unicorn. I was beginning to think about dating again, but for companionship only. After over a year alone, so much of what dating represents makes me tired just thinking about it. I literally was feeling ill about the hassle and stresses that a full time relationship brings… but I was truly beginning to miss the intimacy of a affectionate sexual relationship. In discussing it with my best friend, he suggested a FWB type situation… but I seriously know very few people and certainly none that I could just say “hey. wanna screw?”. I also wasn’t sure how to go about meeting new people. I am not keen on bars and with my line of work, dating someone met at work is not permitted… nor is it wise.
One day, after I had given up on the idea of dating and had resolved to remain celibate and single, I received a link from a family member for a piece of furniture listed on Craig’s List. After looking at the furniture ad, I realized how much CL has going on and the personals jumped out at me. I started reading just to see what kind of people live nearby when I stumbled across all these weird initials in the list. I began googling and found one definition that grabbed my attention: mw4w. The idea kind of danced the conga in my head for a bit like DUH! This is how to find that physical intimacy without the stress of a serious relationship… You see, I’m good with sex and I’m good with people… I just suck at being with someone 24/7.
Becoming some lovely couple’s special unicorn seems to be the ultimate solution for me. I can continue to live my work-a-day life while enjoying weekends with two people who can be friends as well as lovers. I cannot begin to tell you how appealing that is to me… not to mention sexy. Being bi has its advantages.
Riley Bailey said,
October 3, 2016 at 11:55 am
If you’re reading this to learn about bringing a girlfriend or female fwb into your relationship, and you’re having some trouble, here is a word of advice…..Most couples do search for the right female for a really long time. The best bet is just to do an arrangement. I am in an arrangement with a couple, we are like friends with benefits, but since I don’t get taken care of in the same relationship type way that the couples does for each other, they just take care of me in other ways, and it works out really nicely for all 3 of us. I met them on https://3somearrangements.com, if anyone finds that useful!