July 17, 2008
A few months back, I decided to forgo a trip to the east coast with some friends in favor of a polyamory conference. As the date draws nigh, though (read, after the cancellation date is past) I have become really reluctant to go. In fact, I am beginning to actively want NOT to go.
My husband says that staying home and enjoying ourselves will at least save us the cost of gas, and that the conference is paid for already whether we go or not. I hate waste, though, and it feels really wasteful to just pay for something that expensive and not attend. I mean, might as well take almost a grand and burn it, right?
It’s not that I’m against poly, because that is far from the truth. Honestly, I am really happy right now with my loving husband and a potential something-more, and I just don’t feel like attending snuggle parties, nor am I interested in lectures on dealing with jealousy or maintaining open communication… these are things that I pretty much have figured out. On the up side, we’re dropping the baby off with the MIL regardless… maybe we can find some time with my brother-in-law to play some games, or our friend Toby, who also lives in that area… or maybe we can just go home and RELAX, baby free for 3 days. I like the sound of that.
July 10, 2008
Red and I were talking online and joking about the “kisses” that she sometimes gives when she says goodnight on IM. She teased that she should keep count and give them to me in person when we see each other next…
We’re up to 6 now, my dear… *Wicked grin*
She’ll also be turning 38 soon, so I look forward to trying to give her a birthday spanking. Can anyone tell that I am in a playful mood?
I’ve sort of figured myself out, and I am really optimistic. I’ve also talked some with Andrew, and I am really, really relieved that he doesn’t seem to be angry with me. I know he’s confused, which is my fault, but I think we’d have fun as friends.
In other news… I am losing interest in meeting other poly people to chat or whatnot. I’ve dismissed most recent gatherings as too much trouble to get to, and I am trying to get a refund on a poly retreat that we were planning to attend. I don’t feel a pressing need to meet or even learn from other people just because they are poly anymore. There are so much more interesting things to meet people doing. BDSM, for example… I can’t wait until the local dungeon is back open!
July 9, 2008
I’m ready to talk about some of the processing that was going on when last I posted. I have been telling my husband lately that I am not even sure if I am cut out for poly. I belong to a BDSM club, and while I have played with other people, even overt sexual touching leaves me response less. I honestly do feel like I get all the snuggles, attention, and affection that I need from my husband, and all the sex as well.
But I don’t think it’s just that I am not cut out to be poly. Rather, I think I need to feel a connection of some kind first… causal dating was okay to pass the time when I was a kid, but now that I am all grown up with a life of my own, I am too busy to spare the time on getting to know whether I actually like someone, particularly when it comes to males (sorry, guys.)
Andrew, my second date from last weekend, was a casualty of these feelings, I’m afraid. Although he was a truly wonderful and fun person, I did not feel a deep emotional connection; rather, I felt the budding of a promising friendship, and allowed the hello and goodbye kisses as a sort of toll for hanging out. That’s not what I deserve in a relationship, and it REALLY is not fair to him.
I have high hopes for my lady friend, Red, and I have a feeling that we will end up as play partners even if we decide that time and distance preclude dating. The good news is, she is also the only person I have hung out with so far (other, of course, than Michael) who has given me the urge to simply cuddle up and snuggle a while.
Seriously, though… I had a crush on a high school friend that could have gone somewhere, I think, if not for his own relationship issues, and Michael’s only girlfriend so far has been a longtime crush. It seems like both of us are built for letting friendships and respect develop naturally into something more; I don’t think either of us will spend a lot of time (if any) chasing after “first dates” and “getting to know you”s.
July 7, 2008
It’s been a busy time lately, although I did get some relaxing done this weekend. I also had a date with my new friend, Andrew, and we hiked through a park in the middle of the city (and I mean HIKE). I also brought him to a poly gaming group (or at least poly friendly), and we played board games for hours. It was mostly a good group, although there were a few people there that I didn’t care for.
I find myself editing my thoughts a lot lately when I blog, which has led me to blog a lot less… so if you’ve noticed my frequency dropping sharply, well, that’s why. Starting a new relationship is tough, and I am starting (potentially) two new relationships… or at least considering them. There’s a lot on my mind, and I will share soon.
July 3, 2008
I’d been dating a guy for almost two years when out of the blue he told me he wanted to date other people. We agreed to still date each other, as I am completely in love with him. We still talk about once a week, sharing jokes and everything we did when we were a “couple.” But it’s been over two months since I’ve seen him. I asked whether we were ever going to go out on a date, and he said, yes, he’s just been short on cash. I understand, as I knew about his financial situation when we were together. So I guess my questions are: Do I keep waiting for him to ask me out again? Do I ask him out? Or do I say bye-bye?
—Confused With Love
His tough financial situation has probably been exacerbated by all the money he is spending dating other women. Say bye-bye.
July 2, 2008
I decided to go get a bagel this morning, so I put the baby in the car and headed out. The morning show on the radio was talking about “manscaping”, which is the term that they used for trimming, shaving, and otherwise maintaining hairy bits. I was laughing already when they introduced a caller that had the same name as my born again (but kind of slutty) sister-in-law.
In fact, the woman on the phone had the same VOICE as my sister-in-law, too. And they live in he same TOWN! Yea… my SIL has a pretty unique name… I was laughing my way into the bakery recalling her stating on the radio for all the world to hear how she likes her men shaved and how she shaves for them. I’m torn between being grossed out and calling her and saying “So I was listening to the radio this morning…”
I won’t do that… we have a polite truce that I would not want to break. But it sure was hilarious!