04.09.09
Bi-Polyamorous
There are a lot of people in the poly world (and you often notice them first, because they are the ones waving the banners) that believe that being poly is like a sexual orientation – you are born with it, and that’s the way it is. That’s true. For THEM. But some of us, myself included, never felt that pull. We never cheated in early relationships, dealt with serial monogamy, or “dated around”, and yet here we are carrying the title of Polyamorous with sincerity and sometimes even pride.
I never imagined a polyamorous life before I found it, nor do I crave it even now. For me, the decision to remain poly has more to do with the fact that there is not a compelling reason not to as anything else. Born to be poly? I think not. I could happily go back to monogamy and be just as comfortable and just as pleased with where my life has taken me. The more I thought on this, the more it seemed to me that being “on the fence” as I am is a lot like being bisexual. I could be with a man, or I could be with a woman. I don’t feel the need to exclude the idea of either, much as I do not feel the need to exclude the ideas of poly or monogamy from my life. I call this state of being, bi-polyamorous.
Do any of you feel the same way? Do you have similar experiences with poly? Maybe you even had your own name for it? Please do share!
Blessings,
Kathleen
s1m0n said,
April 12, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Hi Kathleen –
Actually, I couldn’t go back to monogamy. I went through twenty years of serial relationships and a mountain of emotional frustration. The years that I’ve been poly have been the most communicative, constructive, and “stressless” in my life. I think accepting a monogamous relationship now would be something like shutting down my critical thinking abilities (grin). I’d be putting on blinders…
s1m0n
http://polytripod.blogspot.com
Kathleen said,
April 12, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Welcome!
I don’t feel like a monogamous relationship would be damaging or otherwise painful for either of us, but that probably just means that you fall more under the “definitely poly” side of the spectrum.
Blessings and love,
Kathleen
Spike said,
May 19, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Pardon me for being a bit behind on your posts, I just recently found your blog. I don’t typically comment on others blogs but strangely enough I find your words very comforting.
Bi-Polyamorous…I like the way you explained it. I have very, very recently found myself dealing with my own polyamorous situation and am having a bit of a tough time dealing with it. It’s comforting to know that someone else wasn’t necessarily “born into it”, that it is something that can be learned and embraced, and that gives me hope. I can definitely understand the notion of being on the fence about these kinds of things, because you never really have to be one way or the other, you always have the choice.
I thank you for all of your posts, they’re very enlightening and I hope you continue to drop these little tidbits of inside information.