April 9, 2009
There are a lot of people in the poly world (and you often notice them first, because they are the ones waving the banners) that believe that being poly is like a sexual orientation – you are born with it, and that’s the way it is. That’s true. For THEM. But some of us, myself included, never felt that pull. We never cheated in early relationships, dealt with serial monogamy, or “dated around”, and yet here we are carrying the title of Polyamorous with sincerity and sometimes even pride.
I never imagined a polyamorous life before I found it, nor do I crave it even now. For me, the decision to remain poly has more to do with the fact that there is not a compelling reason not to as anything else. Born to be poly? I think not. I could happily go back to monogamy and be just as comfortable and just as pleased with where my life has taken me. The more I thought on this, the more it seemed to me that being “on the fence” as I am is a lot like being bisexual. I could be with a man, or I could be with a woman. I don’t feel the need to exclude the idea of either, much as I do not feel the need to exclude the ideas of poly or monogamy from my life. I call this state of being, bi-polyamorous.
Do any of you feel the same way? Do you have similar experiences with poly? Maybe you even had your own name for it? Please do share!