March 1, 2008


Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , at 2:54 pm by Kathleen

I just read a blog from a poly quad that has me just bursting at the seams. A quad, for those who don’t know, is a group of four (usually but not always composed of two couples). This particular quad was a pair of spouses, who met and fell in love. The group put their primary parters (their spouses) in a kind of elevated position, and that was just fine. One of the women blogged about discovering the depth of true love with her “other husband”, and the first time that she truly fell deeply in love with him, many months, actually, after the quad had formed. Replacing the friend and lover feeling was the same feeling of deep love that she felt for her legal spouse. That had my heart absolutely bursting.

When I think of the ideal poly situation out there, I think of a quad with another couple. The idea of being able to interact freely and lovingly with three people on a daily basis and the support system that goes with that seems incredible, and I would absolutely love to be a part of something like that.

At the same time, I look at things like what this brave woman describe, and my heart constrict more from fear than from pleasure. Could I truly handle it if my husband felt about another woman the same way that he feels about me? As of right now, the answer is certainly, definitely, absolutely NOT. I think that I would be terrified, heartbroken, and very lost. It also makes me realize that I may define myself a little too much still by how much my husband loves me. I may not be his only, but I am his best. How would I handle things if I were no longer his best, either, but one of his two best?

I am not there yet, but one day I might be. I would really have to be able to love this theoretical girl quite a lot to get to the point where I would really, truly be okay with Michael loving her that much as well. I don’t know anyone right now that I love and trust that much, although when I think of forming a quad, my mind automatically wanders to a dear friend of mine a whole continent away and his own true love (they are also poly) and I wonder if I could love her that much… I might never get to find out, and the chances of either couple making a cross-country move are slim to none anyway, but it’s fun to dream… and you never know what the future may hold.

Thank you, Temptress, for the inspiration and the wealth of feelings.



  1. Not sure if a comment over a month after the post will even…
    Anyway… I loved the “That had my heart absolutely bursting.”

    Also, you ask, “How would I handle things if I were no longer his best, either, but one of his two best?” Well, look at the other side of it… you being one of two (or three) best in a poly group/quad. In other words, multiple people loving you as much as your husband does.

  2. Kathleen said,

    Honey, you are a brilliant lady. đŸ˜€

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