March 4, 2008

Are you out?

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , at 9:41 am by Kathleen

A lot of people who read this are just plain vanilla (nothing wrong with that!) but others may be a bit more kinky in their own way.  My husband and I are “into” BDSM, which very few of my close friends know about.  We are also poly, and also pretty much entirely in the closet about that except to those same friends of mine.

What about you?  Are you in the closet about anything?  Are you out about anything?  No need to share what, if you don’t like, but your reasons would be terrific.



  1. Mada said,

    Yes, there are definitely parts of our life that we are in the closet about. I think a large part is the fact that my family tends to judge and I haven’t worked up the courage to tell them where to go just yet.

    Recently, I have started talking to some of my friends about these things, but only friends who I know will understand. Telling them has been more of a support system than anything else.

  2. T said,

    hi Kathleen!

    Part of the family is aware that we swing, the rest of the family is still in the dark, and must remain that way… they are devout christians, and i’m not sure what we classify ourselves as anymore. NO one is aware about the relationship i have with Master, nor the fact tht we are poly with him and his wife. No one would understand.

  3. My parents both know and refuse to know at the same time.

    They’re aware that my wife and I have an open marriage, but they don’t seem to grasp that this pretty much by definition includes extramarital sex. They’re aware that I’m not strictly speaking heterosexual, but they somehow don’t believe that I could possibly have any homosexual tendencies. They know that my wife and I go to a sex club in our area on occasion, but have somehow convinced themselves that we only go there to have sex with each other. I mean… what’s the point of that? We could do that at home. I suppose they might think we have sex with each other on stage or something, but honestly.

    My wife is much less of a perv than I am. I have always been, and will always be, an outrageous slut. I will flirt with and hit on and ultimately sleep with damn near anyone, if the mood strikes me. I’ve done very heavy S&M, edge play, bloodsport. Sex is my playground. And while I’m not actively concealing it, I’m not really advertising it either. People who work with me occasionally ask nervous questions about whether I know my profile on MySpace lists me as a bisexual swinger. I just say “yes”, and let them draw their own conclusions – those who can handle it break into a grin and make some sly comment, while those who can’t abruptly relax and say “oh, I see, it’s a joke”.

    I can’t really closet that part of my life. What if somebody I’d really like to bone goes walking past me at work? I’m supposed to let that opportunity go, just for the sake of appearances? Please. I’m going to excuse myself from the conversation and go introduce myself, and if my colleagues can’t deal with that, it’s not my problem.

    Ultimately, what the emphatically vanilla people want out of life is the freedom to delete weird sex from their consciousness. Not from the world – just from their perception of it. They want all the weird stuff to happen someplace they can’t see it, and if you step into their world, they want you to leave all the weird stuff out there.

  4. polybat said,

    Pretty much all our friends know we’re into kink, partly because I’m very open about my sexuality all the time and partly because my love likes to show off our toys when he gets a little liquor in him at our parties. We also have other friends into rough sex and kink. I’m out about kink to my parents and about being poly to my mother. Some of our friends know I’m poly, but because of the strain it’s put on my relationship with my mono-love, I try to not bring it up with certain of our friends. My father does not know about my being poly. My love’s parents do not know about our kink or poly issues, as far as I know. Sometimes I feel disingenuous or inauthentic when I want to tell a friend something, but stop the words from getting past my teeth, because I think my SO wouldn’t like it, or the person might react badly.

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