April 4, 2008

Is Non-Physical Cheating, Cheating?

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 6:37 am by Kathleen

What constitutes cheating, anyway?  I came across a wonderful definition a while ago, and I would love to share it here: If you are doing something that you would not tell your spouse (or SO, or multiple SOs) about, then you are probably cheating.  Emotional attachments are just as important as physical ones.

In fact, it is possible to be poly and to never sleep with anyone other than your primary partner.  Hell, it is possible to be a virginal poly person.  How cool is that?  Poly is about the openness to love multiple people, and has nothing whatsoever to do with sex.

By the way, I wanted to thank everyone for the wonderful responses yesterday and the warm words of support.  It is sad that I have to stay in the closet to protect my son, but perhaps knowing that, others with fewer attachments or less to lose might have the courage to step forward instead.  And as for those who read this to learn and not because you are poly, well, your support and acceptance is just as important.

Blessings to all of you,




  1. * wonders if he is a virginal poly person *

  2. Mada said,

    I hate to say it, but in some ways, I think I would rather have my husband “screw” another woman rather than become emotionally attached to her. I think emotional can be much more damaging than physical, as well as harder to get over (for all parties).

  3. Tj said,

    hmm, I have a question. if my wife had …well phone sex I guess is the way she explained it. due to me not showing enough physical and handy support over the years. constitute as cheating? and I’m not even sure how to feel…so far I told the guy ty because I trusted him enough the night prior to this that I said if anything ever happened to me , id like to know if you can watch over my wife. close friend kinda

    • Kathleen said,

      Well, that would depend on your relationship and your agreements. It sort of seems like you and your wife are monogamous? And I take it she didn’t get your consent first… You need to talk to her and tell her how you’re feeling. If you feel like your trust was violated, then it probably was, but whether that is a big problem in your relationship or just something to address and move forward from (maybe with an agreement for her to keep herself satisfied in similar ways–who knows?)

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