April 6, 2008

Inspiration from Mada

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 9:16 am by Kathleen

Mada said: I hate to say it, but in some ways, I think I would rather have my husband “screw” another woman rather than become emotionally attached to her. I think emotional can be much more damaging than physical, as well as harder to get over (for all parties).

Quite true in many cases.  It can be really hard to deal with a physical affair, but it can be much harder to know that there is some emotional level where your lover connected with someone else, and that kind of connection is much more lasting than the physical.

In cheating, this is a big problem.  In poly, it is just one more entanglement that you have to be aware of.  That is not to say that it is bad, because it is not.  Falling in love in poly is par for the course for many people.  Michael was in love with Becky, and I am in love with my friend, Frank, although nothing may come of it.  Love is something that makes us feel happy, well connected with others, and special in many ways.  It is a way to get emotional support from someone other than your primary lover, and it’s fun, too.

You may not always fall in love with a poly lover.  In fact, it may just be physical, but the truly attached of the poly world are not just in it for the “screwing”, they are in it for the love.  😉

~Kathleen

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1 Comment »

  1. sydneyelephant said,

    I don’t know about other people, but I spent most of my life (except for last year) falling in love with multiple people, but being physically faithful to a monogamous partner. I was always out of the closet about it, and while it can obviously arouse insecurity in one’s partner, reassurance goes a long way towards healing it. I also think people notice it, and live it without mentioning, as a normal thing. Many of these ‘crushes’ would evolve into good friends of the opposite sex, with whom I would have delicious time over a cup of coffee, but never over a bed. It is obvious for me that they noticed how much I was in love with them, and they would respond in a similar way, but without referring directly to what was happening.

    After becoming polyamorous and open to physical attachment with multiple people, I found some other interesting things: my primary lover wouldn’t be more jealous than before, and would be healed in the same way. But my good friends, the one I was in love with, knowing I would be open for sex if they wanted it too, would now become threatened by the possibility, and move away in fear. Even if I didn’t ever challenge them with an invitation.

    I don’t know what exactly does that means, or if other people can relate to it, but I do find that puzzling.


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