April 9, 2008

Poly Fidelity

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 8:19 am by Kathleen

Think of it as Monogamy-Plus!  Poly fidelity refers to a promise among any number of people to be faithful to each other.  This can refer to emotional and/or physical fidelity.  A poly fi group (as they are called) is a fairly neat concept, though not my ideal.  I think that for my own needs, I need either a fairly high level of freedom (as I have in our current relationship) or a very, very closed one (I would be happy being monogamous with my husband again).

Poly fidelity actually strikes me as really interesting.  It seems like an almost not-poly way of thinking, saying that you can love these people (versus the “this person” of monogamy) and are not allowed to love anyone else.  Is poly fi really poly?  I’m not sure I would say so, personally, but it is not my job to categorize and judge.  What I can say is that it is a good way for people to share their love, even just a little, with less emotional or even physical risk.  A poly fi group is less likely to introduce a new STD to the family, and they are much less likely to have any confusion about what is ok as far as dating goes (because the limits are strict), but there are those limits, and that is what doesn’t gel with me.

Michael told me that he trusts me to love others and still come back to him at the end of it all, and I always will, too.  He doesn’t need to limit WHO I can date.  On the other hand, if we fall madly in love with some girl or some other couple one day, who’s to say we can’t settle down as a family of 3+ adults and close the relationship?  Perhaps when our wild oats are sown, if that is indeed what we are doing, we will form a stable partnership with other adults and decide that we don’t need others.  Or maybe all of us will continue to date casually.  Or maybe it will always be just Michael and me at the core.  This is a wonderful journey.




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