April 21, 2008

Poly (dating) on the Web

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 8:07 am by Kathleen

The internet is one of my favorite things in the whole wide world.  I can learn so many things, and since I am a really good researcher, I can find things that many people have trouble locating.  I have taken a few free lessons in ASL, learned about things that I would never have even thought about, and watched some of my favorite comedians or performers for free on YouTube.  But I can’t seem to find a decent poly person who is a) local b) my age or at least within 15 years and c) not a prick.

I am young.  I am female.  I am actually pretty (I think, anyway, and I have been told so).  This alone is enough to get a lot of guys thinking about it… maybe even brushing off their manners so that I don’t bolt.  I am also a wife and mother.  I love those two parts of myself, but most guys, well, they don’t so much.  🙂

Do I mind?  Nope.  In fact, I’ve pulled the mommy card to get annoying guys to leave me the heck alone.  Every time he IMs, “Oops!  My baby just started crying!”  After the second time they just forget about me.  Even poly groups are filled with two kinds of people: the creeps, and the people who seem nice and lovely and all, but are older than my parents.

There are a lot of cool poly groups, but it seems to be something that this generation has not really picked up on yet.  Either that, or they’re all too young and hot to bother with online dating since they have no trouble getting some.  😉

I have come to conclude that online dating just plain sucks… and it doesn’t get any easier if you’re poly!





  1. Rori said,

    You might want to try signing up at fetlife.com (although this is mostly a BDSM site). Don’t know if you’ll have any better luck on there, but they’re generally open to all situations and I’ve talked to some very nice, non-creepy members.

    I agree though – dating sucks lol.

  2. rosemerry said,

    Although I’m not poly I love reading your site. I met my fiance online at a christian dating site. Talk about difficult meeting someone. I read their profiles and it’s like I don’t even want to try talking to them. I’m not a virgin and although I consider myself conservative I’m not considered conservative by the conservatives but I’m not considered liberal by the liberal christians. It was very interesting that we even met and got together at all.

    I found you just really have to know what you are looking for (not saying you don’t) and if the person you are talking to isn’t that then just move on. Which is easier said than done. I was talking with this one fellow and because I told him that although he was interesting to talk too I didn’t see him as dating material. He then proceeded to tell me that I was a very picky person and that I would grow up old and alone.

    Then looking at profiles there are the guys who say I only want to date/marry a virgin. This will be like the only thing we don’t have in common and I want to ask him if he is a virgin cause it doesn’t say. But what’s the point in that eh?

    I love your blog it’s very interesting read. And internet dating is difficult to say the least.

  3. Louisa said,

    ah the interweb…a blessing and a curse! have a look at meetup.com where there are discussion groups on everything from cooking the best casserole to radio controlled cars…and of course polyamory! we signed up to be able to discuss common issues with like minded people and instead found true love with another couple – something I never thought would be possible!

  4. Kevin said,

    I’m glad I found your blog. I know very little about anything other than the mono lifestyle. I’m wanting to learn and meet more people that are in the poly lifestyle. I’m very much seeking people around my age who are not creeps.
    Feeling isolated not sure where to look. In the old days I just met people the at work or school or something. There have to be more ok and cool people on the web thing.

  5. Kathleen said,

    Welcome, Kevin! Thanks for reading!

  6. daniela said,


    i’m poly as well (in my middle 30’s)–i find the same dilemma meeting people!!

  7. jvol said,

    I’m kind of skeptical about online dating in general, but I try to stay open-minded.
    okcupid.com seems relatively poly friendly, so far. I’ve seen many young polys there. wish they had a ‘poly’ category though.

  8. Ben said,


    I know I’m a little out of date here, reading this a year after it’s authoring, but I stumbled on this page when searching for, ironically, ‘polyamorous dating site’. I’m 25, my girlfriend and I have been polyamorous for four years, and it does seem to be very difficult to find anyone who is cool with our lifestyle. I don’t know for sure, but I get the feeling that women will look at my online dating profile, see ‘polyamorous’ and immediately steer clear of me.

    I’ve had a couple of successful poly-related relationships from online dating, but my luck seems to have run out in the last couple of years. Soooo, unfortunately I don’t seem to have anything useful to add. It’s nice to know that we’re not the only ones having a tough time, though.

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