April 27, 2008

Unicorns are not always Welcome

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 8:54 am by Kathleen

I just want to start off saying that I am so excited to have so many readers who are really enjoying this blog, and who are even interested enough to ask questions and make comments on the posts.  You guys rock!

Now to the meat… I mentioned Unicorns as highly desirable and pretty rare.  If a single, pretty girl states that she is willing to date a couple in a poly space, she will be snapped up quick.  But not every poly couple or group is looking for a Unicorn.  In fact, some couples or groups state that they are looking for other couples or groups only.  Why is that?

Because single girls may just be single for a reason.  Girls are not all drama queens, and they are not all jealous or manipulative, but the fear is that if a girl can’t hang on to a man or a group, then maybe there is a reason.  People don’t want to deal with a girl trying to horn in on the primary relationship, and they don’t want their girlfriend feeling left out if they can’t give her attention.  Ideal situation?  Make sure she has a boyfriend, and now we have a quad (or more!)

This is not the case in all cases.  Some people just don’t want an odd number, some want things to be even (if I get a girlfriend, you get a boyfriend out of it), and others… who knows?  The unicorn is a rare and desirable creature, but some people can take her or leave her, and others just aren’t interested.




  1. T said,

    hi Kathleen,

    i wholeheartedly agree.

    hubby and i have discussed the possibility of finding a single female to become part of our marriage. it would be great, but they are hard to find. and there are so many men posing as single bi-females on the net.

    M and W (the other half of our quad) are aware of this.

    They had a live in g/f before we met them. Things were great until trust became an issue. They decided it wasn’t working, and she (the g/f) moved out. W and her are still best friends, while M will only tolerate her, for the sake of the dog that they have shared parenting with. yes, a dog. a doberman. they co-parent. M is the dogs daddy and the ex g/f is her mommy. and W just loves it. i claim the dog as mine when i get to see her. lol

    the idea of a single female is great, but the search and wonderment leaves one weary. because as you said, what if they are drama. i have no place for drama in my relationships.


  2. rosemerry said,

    Just out of curiosity do poly couples look for single men or only single women?

  3. T said,

    the only reason i can think of is, if they find a single female and both females are bi, then everyone can play together? that why we were considering the single female route. YMMV

  4. rosemerry said,

    Ah yes that does make sense.

  5. Kathleen said,

    There are a lot fewer bi males out there than bi females, but some couples DO prefer to have a male third. As a couple, however, mostly they go looking for girls. There are also couples that are into BDSM, and a dominant woman may want more men in her household. I know of at least one family that is dominated by a woman who “owns” two men and a gay woman.

  6. Bill said,

    My observation is that it’s not all that difficult to find a girl to mess around with — once. It’s very difficult to find a girl who is ok with not being the only center of attention for her man. I think the main issue with unicorns is that there are very few women who are genuinely ok with being part of a fmf group. It’s one thing to say it’s intellectually appealing or fun to fantasize about, but when it comes right down to it, jealousy rears its ugly head.

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