April 29, 2008

Non Physical Poly

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 7:36 am by Kathleen

People often assume that poly people are just in it for the sex, but that is not often the case.  I would say that there are plenty of people out there who enjoy the emotional connection at least as much as sex, if not more.  And did you know that it is possible to be poly and never have sex with anyone?
Poly is about the love connection (versus swinging, which really is all about the sex).  A guy who accepts that his wife is poly might simply be accepting of the fact that she has an incredibly intimate friendship with a male friend, for instance.  That friendship may never become physical, and they may not even want it to.  What matters is that emotional connection.

In this way I actually think that it is probably possible to live a poly lifestyle and not even know it, allowing love bonds to form, even if you reserve physical relations for your primary relationship.





  1. Auria Cortes said,


    I ran into the following link on Huff Post. Two people talk openly about poly. Thought maybe you and other would be interested in the video.


  2. I checked out that video… some of the comments below that video are ridiculously immature

  3. Auria Cortes said,

    I didn’t read the comments. I imagine that people are judgmental. But thought that the video was informative and the guy in the video expressed the poly relationship very well.

  4. author in the making said,

    I’m sorry…I’m not trying to judge but trying to understand.

    My husband and I have been together nearly 8 years, married for almost 2. And this kind of marriage that you and your husband have…is just so bizarre to me. Sure, I’ve heard of polygamy, but that seems very different from what you have. Not right, but different. In those marriages it doesn’t seem the women have much choice or authority. They just submit to their husband and let him marry as many women as he wants.

    You and your husband have an open relationship. And in this post you talk about an emotional connection with someone from the opposite sex outside of your marriage.

    I would think that would be worse than just plain sex. Much worse. Why would you want your husband…or yourself…to seek someone else to talk to when he’s upset or scared or worried or depressed? Don’t YOU want to have that special connection with him? And what makes your marriage a marriage if you’re sharing each other with others? Marriages are sacred. Why even bother to marry if you’re going to have intimiate relationships with others outside the marriage?

    May I ask what your religious beliefs are?

    I’m just…curious. I’m not trying to be rude or mean, and I hope that my comment isn’t coming across that way. I’m just trying to understand what your thoughts are.

    And from what I’ve read on your blog and through your comments, your husband seems much more into this than you are. I hope that you’re truly happy.

  5. Mada said,

    I think you’re absolutely right. Sometimes we focus so much on the physical aspects of relationships that we don’t pay attention to the emotional. This post explained something I’ve been mulling over in my mind for some time.

  6. Lovely post… thank you!

    I don’t like labels so I’ve never considered myself “poly-anything”… just me. But I have, and need, emotional connections with many people… I think we all do, but we all have the freedom to choose how to live our lives. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just observe and learn from the way others live rather than having to judge? Ever?


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