May 5, 2008

Not Looking for a Baby-Daddy

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 6:59 am by Kathleen

My  husband was in a tournament this weekend, so I went with him to show support.  I couldn’t really watch, though, because the baby chose that day to have a bad day (and thus to make as much noise as possible).  I was outside on a bench when a guy nearby started talking to me.  He wasn’t really my type, physically, but he was nice, and very interesting.  He was also younger than I normally date (19), but again, he was interesting so we had a nice talk.

His big interest seemed to be in the baby, who was at that point refusing to eat his lunch because it was cold.  I do seem to attract this kind of guy when I go out with the baby.  He’s young but nurturing and ready for a family… maybe… or at least ready to raise someone else’s kid.  He was talking about his twins, who he rarely sees (he donated sperm to some lesbian friends), and about how much he adores babies.

And, sadly, that was why I didn’t try to get his information before I left.  I could tell he was interested.  He came over to cozy up with me on the bench.  Asked about my relationship status, and even made a direct comment about trying really hard not to flirt because I’m married.  I told him that I am in an open marriage, and he seemed relieved, and quite happily continued to flirt, chat, and hang out.  But I don’t want to date someone who thinks that it gives them rights to parent my baby.  My son is mine and my husband’s, and as of right now I think that he deserves to remain that way.  Until and unless we find a person or group that we care for enough to commit to and even live with, I really don’t think I should be dating people who are interested in helping to raise our child in any way.

As much as that help might be welcome in some ways (yay!  babysitting!), it will confuse the baby, especially as he gets older.  Too bad, but not the end of the world.  For myself, and especially for my family, I have to be choosy.




  1. I feel obligated to point out what I think is an oxymoron in your analysis of the baby daddy situation. Specifically, you say,
    “Until and unless we find a person or group that we care for enough to commit to and even live with, I really don’t think I should be dating people who are interested in helping to raise our child in any way.”
    Well, my prognosis, is that if they are not interested to begin with, then they are not suddenly going to become interested once you’ve developed a report. I mean, if you want to have a future polyamorous group of parental figures, it seems they need to be somewhat that way all along. Obviously, this allows for people to potentially come and go from the baby’s (and your) life, but I see that as the only way to have such people exist. It’s like finding love without putting your heart out there – ain’t gonna happen. Just my two cents.

  2. Kathleen said,

    You are absolutely, positively right, and apparently I did not express myself well. What I meant to say was that I am not looking for someone who is almost as interested in parenting my baby as they are in dating me. If there are people who are open and loving about my child without feeling a need to become a surrogate parent during the casual dating stage of OUR relationship, then that is wonderful (and I have met that kind of person). However when a person that I am interested in getting to know is already looking forward to trips to the zoo and rides on the kiddie roller coasters, I start to think that it might be a bad idea. Bond with me… THEN we’ll see how you bond with my family.

  3. Here comes another question (lol, I’m full of ’em)– when the time comes, how will it be to explain this lifestyle your baby, especially if like you say, there are other people in your relationships that may be in and out of the relationship but while they are “in” may be acting parents, too? Did that question even make sense? I know what I’m trying to ask but am not sure it came across…let me know if you need more explanation! 🙂

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