May 14, 2008

Defining Minimal

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 6:59 am by Kathleen

I mentioned that my involvement in who Michael dates is ‘minimal’, but that word confused at least one of my dear readers, so I want to clarify some.

For those who don’t know, my husband and I are into BDSM (myself more than my husband) and he is my Master.  He gets to be bossy, and I do not.  We both have settled into that, and I like it that way.  On the other hand, he has promised a ‘hands off’ approach to my dating.  We have rules about what is allowed, and for now they are actually the same for both of us.

I am allowed to date who I see fit.  In fact, I have a date tonight with someone that I met on an online dating site (and if you’re wondering why you haven’t read about him before, it’s because he reads my blog 😉 ).  Michael has the same freedom to date whoever he wants.  The difference is that we both communicate, and neither of us is very likely to go on a date with someone that the other person really dislikes.

We do have rules for ourselves.  We are not allowed to have sex with our dates in our bed.  One night stands are acceptable, but if one of us is planning to actually date someone, the other partner has to meet them at least once.  We love and support one another so that we can help each other make good choices.  I like that.




  1. nef said,

    I know we might not hear about it since he is part of the readership, but I hope your date went well!

  2. Kathleen said,

    Thank you! It did go well.

  3. Kyrsten said,

    Dear Kathleen,

    I came across your blog while I was doing research for our book Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage (Seal Press / June 2008 / $24.95), by Jenny Block. Since you are a great advocates for polyamory, I just wanted to mention that Block is going to be doing a number of readings from Portland to Texas and I thought perhaps you or your readers might be interested in attending an event or hearing about the book.

    Open is a book about open marriage that grapples with the problems surrounding monogamy and fidelity in an honest, heartfelt, and non-fringe manner. In Open, Block paints a down-to-earth picture of how an open marriage can work, and specifically why it works for her and her husband. In dissecting other people’s strong reactions to her choice, she explores the question of why cheating is more socially acceptable than open marriage. In part, she concludes, the lack of models for successful functional open marriages is such that the general public is not yet equipped to handle treating it as anything other than abnormal.

    Open challenges our notions of what traditional marriage looks like, and presents one woman’s journey down an uncertain path that ultimately proves that open marriage is a viable option, and one that’s in fact better for some couples than conventional marriage.

    We’d love to send you an advanced readers copy to preview, review and/or giveaway on your blog. Please let us know if there is any way we can work with you!
    Feel free to contact us for more information!

    P.S. We love your site!

    Seal Press

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