May 23, 2008

Missing Frank

Posted in Frank tagged , , , , , at 8:39 am by Kathleen

Earlier this week, Frank and I had a stupid argument, and we haven’t talked since.  The truth, though, is that I was missing him long before we stopped speaking.

When Frank and I met, we had an almost instant connection.  Within only a couple of weeks we were sharing intimate truths and deep dark secrets about ourselves with no shame or fear.  That continued until he asked his girlfriend, Tiff, if she minded us cyber-dating (they were poly).  She was uncomfortable with the idea, and that was pretty much where our friendship died.

Frank was very respectful of his girlfriend’s wishes, especially considering her stormy and unsure relationship with poly.  I respected (still do) that primary relationship, and was fine with the idea of going back to good friends.  Frank, on the other hand, was so afraid of crossing some invisible line with me and unconsciously betraying Tiff’s trust that he drew a reasonable line, took a few giant steps backward, and held there.  Our deep conversations turned into “so how’s the weather on your coast?” and our long chats turned into “Check out this funny video I found online.”

I was, and still am, a little heartbroken, not because I was a little in love with Frank, because I was, but because I didn’t just lose a potential partner, I lost a tremendous friend.

Every once in a while I’m tempted to send him a “how’s the weather” IM, but then… it just seems so sad.  Like a scraped out, used up husk of what was a brief but shining friendship.  I understand his fears… but he also promised me that asking for a partner wouldn’t lose me my friend.  I guess that’s the risk you take.




1 Comment »

  1. Mada said,

    I can completely understand your mourning. I’ve gone through bouts of that with one of my best friends. It sucks when you have an amazing connection and because of primary relationships, your relationship suffers.

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