July 9, 2008

Cutting Strings

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , at 3:21 pm by Kathleen

I’m ready to talk about some of the processing that was going on when last I posted.  I have been telling my husband lately that I am not even sure if I am cut out for poly.  I belong to a BDSM club, and while I have played with other people, even overt sexual touching leaves me response less.  I honestly do feel like I get all the snuggles, attention, and affection that I need from my husband, and all the sex as well.

But I don’t think it’s just that I am not cut out to be poly.  Rather, I think I need to feel a connection of some kind first… causal dating was okay to pass the time when I was a kid, but now that I am all grown up with a life of my own, I am too busy to spare the time on getting to know whether I actually like someone, particularly when it comes to males (sorry, guys.)

Andrew, my second date from last weekend, was a casualty of these feelings, I’m afraid.  Although he was a truly wonderful and fun person, I did not feel a deep emotional connection; rather, I felt the budding of a promising friendship, and allowed the hello and goodbye kisses as a sort of toll for hanging out.  That’s not what I deserve in a relationship, and it REALLY is not fair to him.

I have high hopes for my lady friend, Red, and I have a feeling that we will end up as play partners even if we decide that time and distance preclude dating.  The good news is, she is also the only person I have hung out with so far (other, of course, than Michael) who has given me the urge to simply cuddle up and snuggle a while.

Seriously, though… I had a crush on a high school friend that could have gone somewhere, I think, if not for his own relationship issues, and Michael’s only girlfriend so far has been a longtime crush.  It seems like both of us are built for letting friendships and respect develop naturally into something more; I don’t think either of us will spend a lot of time (if any) chasing after “first dates” and “getting to know you”s.





  1. Annabellevlb said,

    Hi Kathleen,
    Fantastic job, as always, expressing your feelings with words. I’m so envious of that talent 🙂

    I absolutely love your blog, your honesty, your sense of humor and the fact that this blog EXISTS! Kudos, sister!

    Question, can you, or any of your readers, recommend a poly blog written by a man? I ask this not because I think yours is sub-par, but because I’m looking for some hesitant-poly-male words to share with my (hopefully poly someday!) mono husband.

    Thanks in advance!


  2. Kathleen said,


    Those are both male poly bloggers.

    Thank you again for stopping by and commenting. It seems like every time I get tired of blogging, someone like you comes along and makes me feel great about it again.

  3. polyoldfart said,

    Just wanted to comment that if you were looking for male poly bloggers, I would highly recommend Franklin Veaux’s LJ blog, http://tacit.livejournal.com/. And while a million other people have said this already, his poly website is an excellent resource. http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html.

    I know I don’t mention it much, but the PolyOldFart is most assuredly not a guy. 🙂

  4. polyoldfart said,

    Poly dating is still dating, with all that suggests about personal approach to meeting and getting to know other people. When I was much younger I tried to follow this “Dating” script I saw others practicing: hanging out with a near-stranger trying to find something to talk about other than if this was going to end up in bed. It’s far too stressful for me. It does mean I have to politely brush-off people from time to time, but hey that’s life.

  5. Kathleen said,

    My sincere apologies! PolyOldFart is NOT a guy… I will never make that mistake again. 🙂

    As for dating, well, the last “date” I had until recently was when I was 16, and at that point you pretty much KNOW everyone around you. I’m still learning this part.

  6. polyoldfart said,

    I have the distinct advantage that I hang out with people who are generally poly-friendly. I won’t say that it’s part of Bay Area tech culture as such, but “alternative lifestyles” are so common that it’s hardly remarkable. Which is convient because boy do I hate “Dating.” If I had to actually talk to strangers with the up-front intention of a romantic relationship, I’d never get anywhere.

  7. Minxxa said,

    I relate to what you’re saying. I myself, need a much deeper “connection” before I want to play with anybody. I get tons of love, affection, and crazy love from my husband, so I’m not actively “looking”. I do know that I have run into people that I have that attraction for, but they are not common. So while I am “poly”… I don’t feel the need to actually have that many outside relationships… and if and when someone comes along that I hit it off with, that’s great. And if not, I’m good. I don’t necessarily think poly means having to have that outside thing… just means you’re open to it. At least to me! LOL… Just my 2 cents…

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