April 20, 2009

Non-Physical Relationships

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , at 2:12 pm by Kathleen

I’m about to throw some of you for a loop when I say… you don’t have to have physical relations with anyone to be poly. I am pretty sure that I have touched on this before, but I don’t think I’ve devoted a whole blog post to it in the past. I’m writing this because a lot of people do not understand the underlying concept of poly, but talking about what it can be often means talking about sex or relationships; it never dispels the myth that poly people are also a bit slutty.

Sorry for the harsh word, but I have been called a slut before, mostly because people find out that I am poly. I find that ironic, and only half true. I do love sex, so I guess that makes me a slut in some ways, but I’ve also never actually had sex with anyone but Michael. The one time that I was pretty tempted, there were some time constraints and we ended up enjoying some steamy kisses instead.

I recently saw someone on a poly discussion group wondering if it was “normal” or “ok” that her new partner had absolutely no interest in sex. The overwhelming response was that no relationship can be expected to fall under the same measure as any other; each relationship is going to be different. For my own part, I sort of envied her. I have little interest in sex with other people since Michael satisfies my needs so very, very well. It seems like all of the guys I talk to are intersted in jumping the gun, even when they are the ones to propose to take things slowly.

It’s a great thing to think about. If you fell in love with a man or woman who did not want to have sex, could you live with that? What if you had other partners to satisfy those particular needs for you? When you have many people working to make you happy, you get to let each one focus on where their specialty lies, and the rest can relax a little!





  1. Mia said,

    I was browsing and saw your post. Interesting post and point of view. I don’t know much about polyamory so I really don’t have much to say. I’m at the point of wanting an “intern boyfriend.” Check out my new post if you’re so inclined. Have an awesome day!

  2. Scott Palmer said,

    hey cool blog….interesting stuff http://kickitwithscott.wordpress.com

  3. I hate the word, “slut” in any aspect. It’s so damn sexist. What century are we in? Please ignore anyone ignorant enough to call you that. You’re a grown woman and whatever you do consensually is *your* business.

    And no, I couldn’t have a no-sex romantic relationship. We’d have to settle for, “just friends”. 😉

  4. Chantilly said,

    I absolutely understand you, Kathleen, as I feel a little bit the same. At the moment I’m not so keen on sex, and I’m totally happy with what one of my sweeties gives to me.
    But I really like physical touch like cuddling, kissing, … sexuality is sooo much more than just the intercourse!

    My other sweetie used to be asexual by the way.

  5. w.m.c.m said,

    I love a lot of my friends, and desire sex from a small fraction of them. There are also some people I desire sex from, but who I don’t love. Sex and love are different aspects of a relationship, very compatible, but not intrinsically linked.

  6. polybat said,

    My sex drive tends to plummet after the NRE wears off. I like and enjoy sex and get horny sometimes, but for the most part after the initial six months or so I can take or leave sex. I’m much more interested in kissing and cuddling. So I might have difficulty at first, particularly if I was really sexually attracted to someone, but after awhile, I probably wouldn’t mind.

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