May 28, 2009

And your name again?

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 6:57 pm by Kathleen

Lordy save me from the new-to-poly men.

Allow me to explain. I am a member of at least one poly forum, and one day responded to someone who was asking if his ideal situation, a MFM vee (that means that there are two men in a relationship with the same woman, but not with each other) was “normal”. I assured him that everyone else has their own version of poly and that his is perfectly acceptable. He emailed me later on the site, detailing how he thinks that a woman deserves to be spoiled rotten by her men, and how a woman should have two men just so that they can dance attendance on her at all times, more or less. I shrugged it off, and more or less replied with a “how nice for you”.

I have a standing offer to provide my IM info to people on that site because, as you can see, I enjoy to talk poly, both with the new and the well initiated. He asked, and I gave it to him. We had a few nice chats, but nothing too deep, and since he lives on the wrong coast, I didn’t give it any further thought.

He IMed me last night after a silence of a few weeks (I may have “appeared offline” most of that time). After a moment, I asked him very politely if he could remind me where he lives. I have trouble connecting some usernames to personalities without extra information, and location is a good fixer for me. He named a city in my state, but spelled it wrong. I was confused, but figured it was just a typo. He started getting creepy from there, asking me to be his girlfriend and making suggestive comments that I thought were out of character. I searched for his profile on the poly site, and sure enough, he was not from my state, nor anywhere near it. I confronted him, and he announced that he was both hurt and offended that I really didn’t remember him.

First, I told him that I had no especial reason to remember him since we had only had a few casual chats several weeks before, and since plenty of people, including random males, often contact me and chat. Then I deleted his name from my messenger list. Next time he messages me, I will use the block button. That was just too creepy for me.

Oh, and in other news: Rae is, I think, a little freaked out by herself right now. She is understandably concerned about her mental health issues, and is trying to push me away. I recognize all of the signs, and I mean ALL of them from when I was pushing friends and loved ones away in my own depression. I don’t know if she has feelings for me that scare her, or if she is scared of developing feelings for me, or if there is another motivation, but I plan to stick by her as a friend if as nothing else. She’s good people, and she deserves the shoulders of others who’ve been there. Rob has. So have I. I’m plotting to kidnap her and take her for a walk on Saturday. Maybe there will be pie! I won’t say “chin up”, because that used to just piss me off… but hang on. It gets better.





  1. wmcm said,

    I like that you approached the “creepy guy” with honesty, even though he failed to do the same for you. Good relationships require honesty.

    • Kathleen said,

      Thank you! There was no possibility of romance between us, so I can’t understand why he was so upset unless perhaps he was hoping to cultivate a long distance relationship. Whatever he hoped for, the temper tantrum that he threw killed it for me, for sure.

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