June 20, 2009

Questions from a Poly-Curious

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 7:47 pm by Kathleen

1. What is the best way to explain to a potential partner that I *might* be poly?

The most important thing here is to be  honest. Let them know that you think that you are interested in a poly relationship. Here is the hard part: assure them that you will be prepared to break things off and step back if you can’t handle poly, and MEAN IT. No one wants the pressure of falling in love only to have that person try to draw them away from other loves. You can only be so prepared for how you will feel, but you CAN be prepared to do the right thing if it turns out that poly is not for you.

If you’re explaining this to a partner who is not poly already, then you have it a little easier in some ways and harder in others. Let them know that you have thought about dating multiple people at once, and be prepared to hear that they are not okay with this. If they are, all the better. Try things out, talk about your feelings, and be prepared for one or both of you to want to pull back to monogamy. Keep in mind, though, that you will not necessarily be on the same page at the same time all the time, and it will be up to you to save or abandon the relationship if things get hard. If he takes to poly and you don’t, things may need to end between the two of you (for example).

2. If becoming involved with someone who has experience with poly, what is the best way to work through issues of jealousy which are fairly likely considering I’ve never had to share before?

The best thing you can do is be communicative. I don’t mean throw yourself on the floor and scream about your feelings when your lover is heading out the door on a date, but do make sure to set aside time both before and after they leave to talk about your feelings, good bad or indifferent. For general advice on jealousy, see the rest of my blog. 🙂




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