September 24, 2010

Seeing Poly Work

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:24 pm by Kathleen

I recently went to a gathering that includes lots of people with different lifestyles. That means that poly was likely to be represented, but I was still thrilled to meet a lovely lady there who introduced me to her boyfriend, Harry, and later to her good friend ‘Harry’s wife’. I could tell it was an act of courage to introduce her that way, and that she only dared because I had already talked about being poly earlier that afternoon. It’s sad that even when she knew there was an excellent chance she would be accepted by me, it was still hard to reveal, but that is the way that society treats people who choose consensual non-monogamy. Sad…

Harry, it turns out, kissed my friend without consent.from anyone. My friend, being the good girl she is, basically freaked out because he was married. Harry confessed to his wife, and was pretty damn shocked when the wife thought about it and said ‘go for it’. It has been a bit over a year, and all three of them still struggle sometimes, but the marriage seems stable from where I stood, my friend is very happy with Harry, and the wife has a boyfriend as well, who I also met. It is so happy for me to see poly working for people in the real world. Yay!

While talking with the three of them I also corrected a misconception another gentleman had. He asked if my relationship was poly or open. When I asked what exactly he meant by that, he explained that poly is just like monogamy, only with one extra person, and open is basically sleeping around with no emotional attachment. I was very firm in correcting his misconception. Not rude, but not just brushing it off, either. I do sort of feel like it is part of my duty to help people understand poly better if I can. (What he was talking about, by the way, is  form of poly fidelity or poly-fi.)



  1. twowives said,

    It doesn’t help that Mormon fundamentalists are featured both in real court cases and on television. Polygamy is something very different than polyamory although I do consider myself to have two wives rather than a wife and mistress.

  2. Inferno said,

    I am constantly correcting people on their crazy ideas about what things may or may not be with peoples sex/social/love lives when it comes to labels.

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