October 13, 2010

October Blog Chain: Masquerades

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:31 am by Kathleen

The theme for the chain this month is masquerades, and there are a couple of different angles I can go with this one. For example, when I write on this blog under a pen name, I am in effect wearing a mask. It is not for shame or embarrassment, but rather because A) I work as a professional freelancer, and certain editors might look unhappily on my name being associated with a “sexy” blog, and B) to help hide the identities of friends, lovers, etc. who may not be “out” or who may not want their own names plastered across the web.

I decided to go a different direction, however, and that is the masks that we all wear when we’re playing the dating game. Oh, come on, you know you do it: you get gussied up for a date, you pay extra for a haircut to impress that girl, you wash your car… whatever you’re doing, you’re putting on an extra layer of shine and sparkle. Would you wash your car to take your wife of 6 years on a date? I doubt it.

I find masks interesting because they are both necessary (for our society) and somewhat silly to me. For example, if I immediately said to anyone I was interested in that I am married but allowed to sleep with other people, I would probably have them all running for the hills. It is only once you have roped someone in with your charm and good looks (or whatever) that you offer the big reveal: you’re married, you’re unemployed, you have early stage Huntingtons.

Why do we have to keep ourselves looking perfect until we have someone hooked on us? But equally important, why do we so blindly see the masks and refuse to even TRY to penetrate them? For example, I have yet to have a guy who is hitting on me glance at my ring finger first, or usually even before asking for my number or a date. Not mentioning my husband right away is my mask, but it’s a flimsy one considering I wear the evidence prominently. Why do you suppose they’re so happy not to look?

(And just FYI, I ALWAYS talk about Michael and explain poly before accepting a date.)


Here is the running list of the October Blog Chain participants:

Auburn Assassin http://clairegillian.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post
Hillary Jacques http://hillaryjacques.blogspot.com and direct link to her post
Aimee Laine www.aimeelaine.com/writing/blog and direct link to her post
Ralph Pines http://thewonderingswordsman.wordpress.com/ and direct link to his post
Veinglory http://erecsite.blogspot.com/ and direct link to her post
Laffarsmith http://www.craftingfiction.com and direct link to her post
PASeaholtz http://paseasholtz.com/ and direct link to his post
Madelein.Eirwen http://madeleineirwen.blogspot.com/ and direct link to her post
Amy Doodle www.mindovermullis.com and direct link to her post
CScottMorris CScottMorrisBooks.com and direct link to his post
Orion_mk3 http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com/ and direct link to his post
FreshHell http://freshhell.wordpress.com and direct link to her post
IrishAnnie http://superpenpower.blogspot.com/ and direct link to her post
Dolores Haze http://dianedooley.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post
Aidan Watson-Morris http://mangaka-tales.blogspot.com/ and direct link to his post
WildScribe https://polyspace.wordpress.com
Hayley Lavik http://hayleyelavik.com/
Bettedra http://bettedra.wordpress.com/
Aheila http://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/




  1. Inferno said,

    Everything in life is part of the masquerades.
    We are all forced into playing false parts to survive.

  2. ralfast said,

    That’s the one thing I don’t like about dating, the masque. I understand the appeal of fantasy,of discovering the person. It gets kind of boring if you know everything up front. Still, I don’t feel comfortable pretending to be someone I’m not, even if for a little while.

    Great post.

  3. Claire Gillian said,

    Sometimes we prefer to see the masks rather than make the effort to really get to know the person behind it, hence the disregard for the wedding ring. The fantasy is deemed more attractive than the reality, whether true or not.

  4. Aidan said,

    Ha, interesting stuff! Good read.

    “Ignorance is innocence.” 😉

  5. Diane Dooley said,

    Some people have their masks very firmly in place. Seeing behind them can be very difficult.

  6. freshhell said,

    I think the fantasy and the what-if factor are often more exciting than reality.

  7. alexp01 said,

    Very frank. It seems no matter what form romance takes, there’s some masquery going on somewhere or other!

  8. And here is another layer of mask: one they will put on you, once they know your lifestyle. I get it, not often, but I get it, sometimes as an atheist, sometimes as a polyamorous person. It is assumed I am a godless heathen with no morals.
    Not an accurate one, nor a mask of my choosing, but one I am given nonetheless.

  9. PASeasholtz said,

    The flip-side of this is when we meet someone without a mask, and they are as interesting as can be. Isn’t the interesting maskless person what we crave as friends, lovers, etc.?

    • Kathleen said,

      And THIS is why I do try to be myself as much as possible, down to not wearing makeup.

  10. Masks in dating… never looked at it that way before. I think that it’s easier to see and accept the mask. Maybe it’s because our society is so saturated with the hollywood version of dating/romance. The illusion is more attractive than reality.

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