December 14, 2010

Sometimes People Won’t Get It

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 11:23 pm by Kathleen

I love my dad, but he just does not get what poly means to us. On some level, no matter how many ways I say it, he will always believe that poly is about being dissatisfied with what we have, or that we are afraid that if we commit, we’ll be missing out on something. I think in reality he is maybe a bit envious on a level that he probably doesn’t even recognize. See, my mom was in an accident when I was a kid, and she’s paralyzed from the waist down. That means no sex, and he will not cheat on or leave his crippled wife. It’s morally good of him, and my mother is too straight laced to consider poly, so he sort of stuck. I think he unconsciously resents us for taking liberties that he would never allow himself.

Some people will never get what we do or why, but it doesn’t have to be about them. Sometimes, it is just about living our lives for us, and damn the rest.



  1. Deb said,

    And then there’s those that like to make out they get it and are cool with it but aren’t, like my mother. My partner is currently staying with the sister of his OSO while he is working overseas. My mother seemed very alarmed when I told her and was not happy (shock horror) that he’s staying with a single woman, even though there’s nothing romantic at all between these two.

    • Kathleen said,

      How funny! As my husband likes to say: why cheat when you have permission? I think some monogamous people (like your mom) may be trying to put limits on your relationship so that she can understand. For example, maybe she has convinced herself that the rules are that you can date many people, but they all have to be faithful to you or to you and your SO.

  2. Myrddwn said,

    There are some people in our life we will simply never open up to. They wont understand. And the sad part is, these are people who are otherwise open minded. My mother, for instance. She is just fine with homosexuality, and honestly believes there is no reason to prevent them from marrying. But if she were to find out that my wife is bisexual and has a girlfriend she would freak out. It’s a little hypocritical of her, actually. But that is how a lot of people are, they can accept something intellectually, but react negatively when confronted personally.
    Luckily for us, we have surrounded ourselves with open minded and liberal friends. I have not had a single problem with coming out to friends.
    So many people do not realize the depth to which they have been culturally programed, especially with outdated sexual mores. I’ll bet that many of the people who will not accept our lifestyle cant even articulate why they object, they just do.

    • Kathleen said,

      You’re right, it’s a very visceral reaction. It’s an interesting intellectual exercise (though rarely productive) to try to force someone who opposes to your lifestyle to give a real and defensible reason for it. Most of them cannot, but rather than informing them, it just irritates or enrages them. As interesting as it is, I don’t allow myself to go there very often. I don’t need to give anyone another reason to hate polys/bis/queers, or whatever it is they disagree with.

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