June 4, 2009

Unicorn Hunters

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 9:47 am by Kathleen

The following is a quoted personal ad:

We are a couple (MF) who are seeking a preferably bi or bi-curious female for a long term relationship. In short, we are looking for someone to marry and raise a family with.

We come as a joint package. A two for one offer.

We are fit, active, intelligent, gregarious outdoors types. We are notoriously blunt as people (we were both that way before we met).We have a list of hills and mountains near Melbourne, Australia that are going to be climbed.

We are also into our markets, meditation, books, food and cooking.

We are also intensely curious. As people we are also very affectionate. The girl who joins us will never doubt that she is adored. The kisses, cuddles and snuggles are nearly endless.We are in no way financially well off.

We are looking for a mature girl aged between 20-30. We are looking for someone of an Asian (East or West), African,Latin or Eastern Mediterranean ethnicity. Because we are into our fitness smokers and susbstance [sic] abusers need not apply. Nor for that matter any “dolls”…if you are skinny and into your fashion and make up, trust us, you are not our type.

We will take our time to get to know you before we make the offer. We will date you as a couple.

It made me laugh pretty good. I didn’t reply to them directly, mostly because I have seen those kinds of “helpful” hints turn into some major flame wars on this forum in particular, but it is a little bit sad to me because I have no doubt that they will either have to change their tune drastically, or have to keep looking forever.

They seem like perfectly nice people, but they have a very specific list of traits that a woman has to posses before she can even attempt to “pass their test”, which is how this ad reads to me. In fact, it looks more like a list of job requirements than a personal ad. The only thing that a woman (“girl”?) reading this ad can look forward to with certainty is being used as a baby machine and hopefully breadwinner, and getting paid in “snuggles”. Maybe I’m just cynical.

Trust me, I understand the mentality that leads couples to want to date together. My husband and I felt the same way when we decided to give poly a shot, but we quickly realized that we were going about our poly journey in the wrong way. No one wants the pressure of hearing “if you want me, you have to at least pretend to be turned on by this other person, take it or leave it”. No one wants to be the “junior wife” or the third wheel (and trust me, in the majority of cases like the post above, there are strong feelings in the couple about their own relationship coming first, before any relationship with the “other wife”).

I also find it amusing and closed minded that the couple (their profile lists them both at 31 years old) is demanding a woman up to a decade younger, but no older than themselves whatsoever, of a particular ethnicity, and, oh, no smoking or tattoos, go away! (The tattoo part is on their profile, but not in the ad.)

I don’t mean to offend anyone, and if this is your ad, well, I hope that you look at it and realize that I am not the only hot bi babe in the world who is rolling her eyes and laughing at your arrogant “need not apply” terminology. I would rather find a couple that doesn’t require an application and a wait list, thanks.

Tomorrow, I think I will post the kind of ad that would really get me interested, just for contrast.




April 27, 2008

Unicorns are not always Welcome

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 8:54 am by Kathleen

I just want to start off saying that I am so excited to have so many readers who are really enjoying this blog, and who are even interested enough to ask questions and make comments on the posts.  You guys rock!

Now to the meat… I mentioned Unicorns as highly desirable and pretty rare.  If a single, pretty girl states that she is willing to date a couple in a poly space, she will be snapped up quick.  But not every poly couple or group is looking for a Unicorn.  In fact, some couples or groups state that they are looking for other couples or groups only.  Why is that?

Because single girls may just be single for a reason.  Girls are not all drama queens, and they are not all jealous or manipulative, but the fear is that if a girl can’t hang on to a man or a group, then maybe there is a reason.  People don’t want to deal with a girl trying to horn in on the primary relationship, and they don’t want their girlfriend feeling left out if they can’t give her attention.  Ideal situation?  Make sure she has a boyfriend, and now we have a quad (or more!)

This is not the case in all cases.  Some people just don’t want an odd number, some want things to be even (if I get a girlfriend, you get a boyfriend out of it), and others… who knows?  The unicorn is a rare and desirable creature, but some people can take her or leave her, and others just aren’t interested.


April 19, 2008

What is a Unicorn?

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 10:39 am by Kathleen

A unicorn is a mythical beast with a horn 😉  It also refers to a pretty and otherwise dateable bi female who is willing to date a couple.  A lot of women are sort of okay with poly, but only if “we share”, making it really hard for the guy to find someone.  I mean, what are you supposed to say? “Wow, you look really interesting, can I bring you home to meet the wife?”

Unicorns are easier to find in poly circles or swinging circles, but not MUCH easier; it’s hard enough to find a great girl to date when you are single, much less when you have a whole laundry list of added requirements.  So that, my friends, is a unicorn.  Thanks for askin’.  🙂