November 3, 2010
When Separating Isn’t a Bad Thing
Something like six months ago, my husband and I separated. He packed his things and moved out – of my bedroom. You see, we found out that part of the reason I sleep poorly is because my body and mind just aren’t ready for sleep at 10pm, which is when he goes to bed. And I can’t handle getting up at 6 when his alarm goes off. My natural sleep cycle is more like 12-8 or 9. So when I went to bed at 10, I’d toss and turn for hours, and usually be so frustrated that I was up until 2! I have also become an insanely light sleeper since the baby was born (yes, three years ago), so his every snore, snort, and shift would wake me.
So a few months ago, we talked about a change. We packed up the game room, shifted things around in the house, and moved the futon into the former game room. We each have our own space with our own things and our own schedules, and we BOTH sleep better (the futon turns out to be the perfect firmness for his back.)
People always assume the worst about the state of our relationship when they hear that we don’t sleep in the same bed, but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. We love each other very much, we still have plenty of sex, and now, we both actually get the rest we need and work with our own personal schedules. We even join each other for snuggles many nights (although sleepovers have stopped – it ends up being an awake-all-night event for me, now).
Polyamory from the Inside Out 