September 24, 2010
Seeing Poly Work
I recently went to a gathering that includes lots of people with different lifestyles. That means that poly was likely to be represented, but I was still thrilled to meet a lovely lady there who introduced me to her boyfriend, Harry, and later to her good friend ‘Harry’s wife’. I could tell it was an act of courage to introduce her that way, and that she only dared because I had already talked about being poly earlier that afternoon. It’s sad that even when she knew there was an excellent chance she would be accepted by me, it was still hard to reveal, but that is the way that society treats people who choose consensual non-monogamy. Sad…
Harry, it turns out, kissed my friend without consent.from anyone. My friend, being the good girl she is, basically freaked out because he was married. Harry confessed to his wife, and was pretty damn shocked when the wife thought about it and said ‘go for it’. It has been a bit over a year, and all three of them still struggle sometimes, but the marriage seems stable from where I stood, my friend is very happy with Harry, and the wife has a boyfriend as well, who I also met. It is so happy for me to see poly working for people in the real world. Yay!
While talking with the three of them I also corrected a misconception another gentleman had. He asked if my relationship was poly or open. When I asked what exactly he meant by that, he explained that poly is just like monogamy, only with one extra person, and open is basically sleeping around with no emotional attachment. I was very firm in correcting his misconception. Not rude, but not just brushing it off, either. I do sort of feel like it is part of my duty to help people understand poly better if I can. (What he was talking about, by the way, is form of poly fidelity or poly-fi.)
September 22, 2010
Blog Chain
I’m participating in a blog chain with the theme of seasons.
I like the idea of relationships having seasons much like the weather does. There is the spring of first meeting, and those first blooms of passion. When two people first start to pursue a relationship, there is a spring-like sense that anything is possible, and it is terribly exciting. This, of course, blooms into a full blown summery passion in the best cases as two people (or more!) try to fulfill their possibilities and potentials. Eventually this NRE cools down, and you head into a sort of autumn as you gain comfort with one another and lose some of that initial fire. You might think the winter represents the eventual freeze and the ending of things, but in my mind, winter is something much nicer. I like to imagine cuddling in front of a fire or staying in bed on long weekends to keep each other warm. That silent, knowing comfort that doesn’t need summer’s fire and that is the fulfillment of spring’s promise.
Michael and I have only been together for about 8 years, but we’re in our winter, I think, and we both seem very happy here. It isn’t the comfort of familiarity and boredom, but one of true, deep understanding where both of us reach out to support the other before we even realize we need the support.
Still, a part of me longs for spring. I would love to find a lovely, interesting woman to take me through the changing of the seasons, even as I snuggle up in the eternal, cozy winter with Michael. No wonder it has long been my favorite season.
~Kathleen
Check out the other bloggers in this chain!
Ralph_Pines: http://ralfast.wordpress.com/ and direct link to his post
Aheïla: http://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post
DavidZahir: http://zahirblue.blogspot.com/ and direct link to his post
orion_mk3: http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com/ and direct link to his post
LadyMage: http://www.katherinegilraine.com/ and direct link to her post
semmie: http://semmie.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post
llalah: http://www.twylanonsequitur.blogspot.com/ and direct link to her post
hillaryjacques: http://www.hillaryjacques.blogspot.com/ and direct link to her post
AuburnAssassin: http://clairegillian.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post
laffarsmith: http://www.craftingfiction.com/ and direct link to her post
sbclark: http://www.sonyaclark.net/ and direct link to her post
FreshHell: http://freshhell.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post
IrishAnnie: http://superpenpower.blogspot.com and direct link to her post
PASeasholtz: http://www.paseasholtz.com/ and direct link to his post
SF4-EVER: http://www.ulbrichalmazan.blogspot.com/ and direct link to her post
T.N. Tobias: http://tnt-tek.com/ and direct link to his post
Proach: http://desstories.blogspot.com/ and direct link to her post
Regypsy: http://regypsy.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post
September 4, 2010
What is Romantic Love?
Today I was reading something and realized that the definition of polyamory depends quite a bit on your definition of romantic love. Some people, for example, see romantic love as not just a feeling or emotion, but also a commitment to one person. Obviously, this definition of love puts a damper on the concept of polyamory as love between more than two people.
To me, romantic love does actually involve commitment, but not necessary an exclusionary commitment. Loving someone romantically doesn’t, in my opinion, have to exclude other romantic love feelings any more than loving both of your parents excludes the possibility of loving step-parents.
Romantic love for me is a feeling first and foremost, not just of affection, which generally comes with friendship before the romance forms, but also of a certain commitment to prioritize that person’s feelings. I guess it sounds unromantic when put that way, but affection and love are easier to come by than we like to assume. Passion may be another story, but while passion has a place in romantic love, it doesn’t make love, nor is it even necessary.
So how do you define romantic love?
September 3, 2010
Being a One Cock Lady
I am poly, no doubt about it. I had casual sex with a lady friend last year without a regret or a second thought. But I find it more and more likely that I am a one cock lady nonetheless. It isn’t that I am disgusted by men or by the penis, or even that I don’t enjoy male attention. In fact, over the years I have had more male friends than female in general, and I’m happy with that. But whenever things start to look like they will head in the direction of intimacy, I get squeamish and start to lose interest. It took me a while to figure out why that was.
That’s not to say that I will never have sex with another guy. I really don’t know what will happen in the future, and there have been one or two extremely rare cases where a guy has had HUGE attraction for me. The fact that both of them looked a lot like my husband in several key features might or might not be relevant here. 😉
The fact is, you don’t have to want to sleep around to be poly. I may or may not enter a relationship with a woman eventually (I would like to, but I am SO BAD at knowing when women are flirting with me), and I probably will not date anymore men. I’ve given thought to closing our relationship given the fact that neither of us has much interest in seeking partners, but it feels like closing the door on some intangible wisp of a thing that is forming just over the horizon. I don’t know what the future holds, but for now, there’s just one cock for me.
Polyamory from the Inside Out 