May 28, 2012
Finally Getting Out There
Saturday night was ladies night at a local gay club, and I am finally feeling so ready to meet people…
My night started a little too early when only a few couples in their fifties were at the club, shortly after opening. I hung out downstairs and chatted with a man I met, instead. He was definitely gay, but I guess a little lonely and he kept buying me drinks. I spent more time than I meant to listening to him talk (even if I tried to talk, he wasn’t really listening back, so I let him chatter). Eventually, I managed to get away. Upstairs was wild by that time, with loud music and women’s bodies moving mostly to the beat on the dance floor. I was tipsy already, so I waded out into the dancers and started to move to the music on my own. It was exhilarating and fun, and soon a woman waved me over and we danced together.
I’m completely new to clubbing, so there are still things to learn. Like how to gracefully switch partners if you spot someone more your type. I did manage to extract myself from the clutches of two different Very Drunk Older Women by claiming a need for water, but I’d float away if I did that every time I wanted to switch partners. 🙂
I danced until I was drenched in sweat, and then made my way outside onto the patio for some air. It felt great, and I soon found myself chatting with a trio of friends. The one I was most attracted to was straight (damn!) but soon the two straight women had drawn off into their own conversation to give me room with their friend. She wasn’t what I am normally attracted to, physically, but she was sweet and interesting and had a tattoo very similar to mine, which was intriguing. We chatted and flirted and I explained my home situation to her and she explained about her cheating ex. We ended up kissing, and it was not the best kiss of my life, but it turned me on in a pure, physical way that I have been missing with Michael for a while now. His kisses are affection and comfort and love, but they don’t stoke that fire in me. Hers were pure arousal and it was exciting to find that.
In the end we exchanged phone numbers, but in the morning light I realized that I was much more interested in her as a friend than as a potential girlfriend, and her self-esteem issues were a HUGE red flag for me. I asked her out for coffee to be polite and to keep from damaging her fragile self further, and she politely shot me down because in the end, she wants monogamy. What a relief!
Yes, I still have a lot to learn… but it seems like I’m going to have some serious fun learning it.
Blessings,
Kathleen
June 1, 2009
NRE ~ New Relationship Energy
NRE is the common abbreviation in the poly community for a poly term: new relationship energy. That’s not to say, by the way, that non-poly people don’t experience this phenomena, they just don’t really have a name for it.
NRE is the giddy-in-love feeling that people in a new relationship experience. New things are thrilling and exciting, and can often consume a person’s thoughts and energy, and for those new to poly, it can quickly lead to disaster. When Michael, for example, was dating Becky, he experienced a lot of NRE and would become so excited about being with her that even when I was in the same room, I might as well have been on a different planet. I was tolerant and understanding, but a lot of people who do not understand the chemical reactions might be induced to feel insecure, less loved, or less important. It can trigger some severe jealousy, fear, and pain. I experienced all of those things, and coped better than most.
So is NRE bad? No, not at all. In fact, it can be a wonderful feeling, but the person experiencing the NRE has to understand how to deal wit hit, and how to process with any partners who are not a part of the NRE bliss. They are, for all intents and purposes, high, and it is the new partner who is the drug. That’s some pretty potent stuff, and older relationships have to be assured that they are secure, even if they are not currently the cause of this set of fireworks. In all probability, they once were!
It is up to the person experiencing NRE to be sensitive to the feelings of other partners. They may need some of your time, they may need not to hear about why your new partner is so great, they may need to be assured that they are as loved and cherished as always, and they may need to be reassured that they are not being replaced in your life or in your heart.
NRE is bliss when you are experiencing it, but it CAN BE hell for your partners if you deal with it badly.
Blessings,
Kathleen
Polyamory from the Inside Out 