It’s been a busy time lately, although I did get some relaxing done this weekend.  I also had a date with my new friend, Andrew, and we hiked through a park in the middle of the city (and I mean HIKE).  I also brought him to a poly gaming group (or at least poly friendly), and we played board games for hours.  It was mostly a good group, although there were a few people there that I didn’t care for.

I find myself editing my thoughts a lot lately when I blog, which has led me to blog a lot less… so if you’ve noticed my frequency dropping sharply, well, that’s why.  Starting a new relationship is tough, and I am starting (potentially) two new relationships… or at least considering them.  There’s a lot on my mind, and I will share soon.

Blessings,

Kathleen

Dear Prudence,
I’d been dating a guy for almost two years when out of the blue he told me he wanted to date other people. We agreed to still date each other, as I am completely in love with him. We still talk about once a week, sharing jokes and everything we did when we were a “couple.” But it’s been over two months since I’ve seen him. I asked whether we were ever going to go out on a date, and he said, yes, he’s just been short on cash. I understand, as I knew about his financial situation when we were together. So I guess my questions are: Do I keep waiting for him to ask me out again? Do I ask him out? Or do I say bye-bye?

—Confused With Love

Dear Confused,
His tough financial situation has probably been exacerbated by all the money he is spending dating other women. Say bye-bye.

—Prudie

AAAARGH!

~Kathleen

I decided to go get a bagel this morning, so I put the baby in the car and headed out.  The morning show on the radio was talking about “manscaping”, which is the term that they used for trimming, shaving, and otherwise maintaining hairy bits.  I was laughing already when they introduced a caller that had the same name as my born again (but kind of slutty) sister-in-law.

In fact, the woman on the phone had the same VOICE as my sister-in-law, too.  And they live in he same TOWN!  Yea… my SIL has a pretty unique name…  I was laughing my way into the bakery recalling her stating on the radio for all the world to hear how she likes her men shaved and how she shaves for them.  I’m torn between being grossed out and calling her and saying “So I was listening to the radio this morning…”

I won’t do that… we have a polite truce that I would not want to break.  But it sure was hilarious!

Blessings,

Kathleen

I am pretty taken care of by the universe in general.  If I ever REALLY NEED something, it tends to appear for me in some form or another, even if just a kick in the butt to do the work myself.  I also have an interesting habit of getting what I need when I stop looking for it.

Take driving.  I never talked to my parents about getting a license… for a while I thought it would be awesome, and then I decided that driving was boring and being driven around at least gave me a chance to read.  (No getting carsick in my blog.  If talking about reading in the car makes you hurl, please roll down a window.  Thank you.  )  That was when my dad told me that he was taking me to get my permit.  I’ve been asked out multiple times, usually  when I was not really looking for anything.  In fact, I met my husband after ending an abusive relationship.  I was asked out by two guys that summer and declined.  I needed some alone time!  And then I met Michael…

And then there’s the latest… just when I decide that I am absolutely done with men for a little while… I happen to have just sent an invitation to a man who I have only spoken to online once… and we hit it off.  The universe is funny that way.

Blessings,

Kathleen

I had (have?) pretty much given up on men, but last night I was proven that they are at least not ALL bad (slash annoying slash horny).  Right about the time I started giving up on hunting guys I also happened to have sent an email to a random guy on OKC who had been viewing my profile asking if he wanted to meet for coffee.

The coffee shop was closed at 7 when we got there last night so we walked down the street to find a cafe for a light supper and laughed and talked.  Somewhere around 11:30 I was shivering pretty bad sitting in the wrought iron chair in front of a long-closed Starbucks, so we finally parted ways with a sweet peck on the lips.  He came unsure about the whole idea of poly and left looking forward to seeing me again… I guess that’s officially a convert?  Anyway, it was fun and it was a wonderful talk.  I came home and told Michael that I would certainly be seeing him again.

No nickname yet… perhaps I’ll ask him what I should call him when we see one another again

Blessings,

Kathleen

I finished reading Open by Jenny Block a few days ago, and life has been insane since then so I haven’t had a chance to share my thoughts.

As a polyamorous person, there was not much new in the book for me.  I could relate to the struggles and the rewards of poly that were shared in the book, but I felt like too much of the book was statistics and figures and too little Jenny’s story for my own taste.

The good news is, for people who know little about poly or who are curious about the lifestyle, this book works like a textbook, teaching you everything that you ever thought you needed to know about poly, humanity, and sexuality and then some.  It is woven together with Jenny’s story, making it interesting and engaging instead of a list of facts and figures.

I think a lot of my readers would enjoy the facts behind the thoughts that can be found in this book, including statistics on things like the estimated number of cheaters in America.

Blessings,

Kathleen

But not of Michael or some new affair.

I’m reading Jenny Block’s new book, “Open”, and I have found a passage about their first poly experience.  To simplify things very much… she talked her husband into giving it a shot, they brought a hot bi babe home, and had a wonderful night/morning after.  And so we are poly!

It was SO not that easy for me.  I guess I don’t really wish that it was… I like that I am willing to work on this in my own head and in conversations with Michael.  I am also happy that I am ABLE to work things out like this on my own.  I am highly self-aware, which is a useful trait when your goal is self-exploration and -betterment.

Our first poly experience was wonderful for Michael, but I came out of it feeling like I could take it or leave it, and mostly I was ready to leave it.  Things change…

~Kathleen

I was quickly running low on good reading material, so I was excited when I finally got my copy of Jenny Block’s book on polyamory and her open marriage. I am looking forward to reading it and reviewing it with you.

So much of what we read makes such perfect sense when we read it. On paper, there is no reason for jealousy, no reason for pain… if you have ever read The Ethical Slut, you know that on paper it can even seem like dating is a piece of cake. (All you need to do is want multiple partners, and there you have it!)

The real world is a lot more complicated, and real human emotions can be annoying, unpredictable, and downright frustrating.  For example, the emotional dam burst that had me sobbing for no apparent reason at 2am yesterday.  It’s nice to retreat into a book from time to time, where you know what the outcome will be (or if you don’t know, you can find out with the flip of a few pages).

I look forward to retreating into Jenny’s world and forgetting about my own, just for a little while… I’m sure it will be a fun journey.

~Kathleen

For a while, specifically back in February if I recall right, I felt like I really needed a boyfriend.  In fact, I really didn’t get past this drive until fairly recently.  Since I say “get past”, obviously I am not feeling this drive anymore, so what changed?
I guess I did.  I felt like I needed a boyfriend because we had taken the step into being poly, but that is where I remained.  Where Michael went off and had a relationship and had sex and even had a breakup, I was stalled.  Funny, considering that HE is the anti-social one most of the time.

I didn’t feel in competition with him… rather I felt left behind, like a little kid whose big brother learns to ride a bike and sails away on it.  I want to learn too!  I want to truly be poly!   I want a boyfriend!

I realized a few weeks ago that it was a really unhealthy way to think about it.  I had a date, and even though it didn’t work out, it helped me realize that a) I am desirable to someone other than Michael and b) these things take time.  Both things I knew in my head, but not in my heart.  I’m more in sync now, and I “get” what drove me before.  Sure, it would be nice to have a girlfriend (I’m sick of the boyfriend idea, a little bit), but it can wait.

Blessings,

Kathleen

Kathleen the poly experience seems to be more than just about deep and intimiate trust because I’m sure that other married people would agrue (and I’m sure you’d agree) that couples can share a deep and intimiate trust without poly.

You may not have the answer to the following question because sometimes feelings can’t be explained, but besides the deep and intimiate trust aspect what drew you to poly?

And for those who are married and not in a poly relationship what activities do you participate in to achieve deep and intimiate trust?

One thing that I find interesting about Kathleen is that she is actively seeking ways to improve upon her relationship. That’s a rare quality in any couple, poly or not. Or do those of you in a traditional marriage disagree with that assessment?

As usual, Auria has presented some wonderful questions, not just for me but for the rest of my readers as well. Please do respond!! I was drawn to poly out of a desire to see my husband happy. The initial foray into a threesome was more like swinging, or at least it was supposed to be. Michael didn’t like the idea because he didn’t care for the idea of casual sex, but the emotional masochist in me still wanted to see what would happen if I set us on this course. It was a combination of that (emotional masochism) and a serious desire to both understand and hopefully better myself that got us started. It was a desire to enjoy watching Michael enjoy himself (and Becky) that allowed me to come to the decision to encourage it gracefully, and it is the wonderful feeling of trust as well as the feeling that I don’t EVER have to hide, pretend, or restrict myself when it comes to love that keeps this whole thing going for me and for us, I think.

Thank you, Auria!

~Kathleen